


Two Idiots Meet

by MKV_SuomiSQfan



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Captain Hook | Killian Jones Bashing, Implied Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan, crack!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 12:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11736840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MKV_SuomiSQfan/pseuds/MKV_SuomiSQfan
Summary: Regina gets mad at how Hook is treating Emma, so she casts a spell that sends Hook to someone as idiotic as he is.. This is total crack!ficWarnings: LanguageHook bashing, Piper bashing, slight Snow bashing





	Two Idiots Meet

**Author's Note:**

> This started as me thinking of how well Piper and Hook would fit together and it's just turned into a crack fic  
> As you can see I'm not Hook or Piper fan, so not for you guys fawning over either of them, thank you very much.  
> Enjoy!

The anger grew. Everyday as Regina Mills watched the pirate to get away from treating his ''True Love'' badly. Seriously, she knew the two insipids were idiots but she could never guess this idiots. So, she decided to do something about it.

She finally found a spell to send the man to someone who was as idiotic as he was and she enacted the spell, making sure she had an alibi. And off the guyliner went.

After she had thwarted the suspicion away from herself she found herself watching the handless wonder from her mirror, with an amused smirk on her face.

The pirate had found himself in a blonde woman's company. The blonde had a glare on her face as she looked at the pirate, who was looking quite confused.

''Who are you and what the bloody hell am I doing here?''

''You are in my apartment,'' the blonde told. ''So, I'm the one asking the questions.''

''Look, love..''

''I ain't your love,'' the blonde protested. ''What the fuck are you doing here and where the hell did you come from?''

The man shrugged. ''I have no idea,'' he told. ''I was talking to my girlfriend and then suddenly I was here. Are you a witch?''

She laughed. ''You are obviously lunatic.''

The two stared at each other, before the woman talked again.

''Who are you?''

''I'm Killian Jones, but you might know me as Captain Hook.'' The man smiled, what he deemed charmingly, but to Regina Mills, it was just disgusting.

The woman started laughing hard. ''Captain Hook? As in Peter Pan?'' she asked finally. ''You are even more nuts than I thought.''

''The Evil Queen must be behind this,'' Hook muttered annoyedly, making the two woman watching him laugh, one amusedly.

''You have no idea, guyliner,'' Regina murmured amusedly. It was even better than she thought.

''Listen, Captain Hook,'' the woman started. ''I'm just warning you that I've been to prison and I have done some fucked up shit to people so I suggest you do not try anything.''

Regina was so lost watching those two idiots that she didn't notice another blonde coming, this time though behind her.

''What did you do to him?'' Emma Swan asked.

''Oh, me?'' Regina widened her eyes innocently.

The blonde rolled her eyes. ''I know it was you, Regina,'' she told.

''Oh, alright,'' the Queen said. ''I sent him to someone who is as idiotic as he is.''

''And he's with...?''

''Piper Chapman,'' the blonde in the mirror introduced herself to the man. ''To remind you I've been in prison, so don't mess with me.''

Regina laughed at the woman's words, while Emma watched the scene unfold mouth open, before she bursted out a laugh also.

''I see you've truly done good job, Your Majesty,'' Emma assured watching the two interact. ''He's in her apartment and she's not calling the cops, but instead warning him she's been in prison?''

''Piper, what an enchanting name, love,'' Hook said, flashing his ''charm'' smile.

''And now you're trying to get into my pants,'' the idiotic blonde woman stated. ''This is seriously fucked up. How did you get in my apartment?''

''It must've been a spell.''

''A spell? As in magic?''

''Yes,'' the man almost growled. ''Regina must've snapped, finally. I didn't expect this from her, but I had been waiting.''

''Why?''

''Because she's in love with my girlfriend.''

Emma gasped and Regina's eyes widened. How had he known?

''Is he right?'' Emma asked tentatively.

''Of course not, Miss Swan,'' the brunette snapped.

''You forget my superpower.''

She sighed exasperated. ''If you must know, yes. The insipid pirate is right, though I didn't expect him to have caught up on it.'' She huffed. ''Someone else must've noticed it first and told him.'' Her eyes widened in realization. ''Your insipid mother.''

''So, someone who's in love with your girlfriend sent you in my apartment?'' Piper confirmed, receiving a nod. ''Why?''

''How should I know?''

Regina waved her hand. ''They might be amusing at first, but I'm getting a headache from them,'' she informed nonchalantly.

Emma looked at her. ''You are in love with me?''

''I think we've already established that, Miss Swan.''

''Just wanted to make sure, so I could do this,'' she said and stepped forward locking her lips with the former Queen's.

 

Emma convinced Regina to break the spell and to get Hook back home, and then they told Hook they were together, which made the handless wonder pretty angry, before Emma introduced him to the show 'Orange Is The New Black' and then he just moaned about how perfect the other idiot was and how he missed her and wished to be sent back to her. Regina of course refused, with an excuse the spell couldn't be used twice, but really just wanting to spare the world from that union.


End file.
